The Child’s Experience

The appetite of children fluctuates during the day. The child may have been in daycare all day which indicates that regular meals were offered and the child may not be hungry at evening mealtime. This can also be the case if the child has eaten several snacks throughout the day too. Refusing a meal or a particular food may be due the reasons indicated or they may simply not be hungry now.

Is this simply a natural variation in appetite or a misinterpretation as defiance? Eating does not occur in a straight line, as what was working yesterday or a couple of days ago may not appeal today. Repetition and varied moments of exposure to a variety of foods and foods that have already been eaten is a part of normal learning about food.

Social Interactions at the Table

Mealtimes are special when children are socialised into cultural, and social practices. The act of eating together at home, daycare, family occasions and family outings for example picnics, are learning opportunities taking place in a variety of settings.

The children observe conversations, interaction between adults, learn to negotiate rules and practice the social skills which they have already learnt.

When adults misread a particular action such as not being interested in food or leaving part of the food on the plate, unintentionally these interactions may become a power struggle rather than a learning moment.

The struggle may draw comparison between what was eaten or even a comparison of what was eaten by siblings and other adults.

Exploring How Resistance Unfolds

Observing when a child may shake their head, utter the words “no” to part of their meal, push the meal away, or use other various linguistic resources to indicate that the meal is possibly finished.

Following the sequence of not eating a particular food or even all the food on the plate plays out each time food is being offered. As the scenario unfolds food then becomes not just the focus but also the subject as conversations and negotiations begin at the table.

Observing the reluctance of not wanting to finish a meal or part of the meal the conversations begin around what has not been eaten but not what has already been eaten. Narratives and a focus may even begin at eating a specific amount of the food left on the plate

Misinterpretation of the Message

Every interaction at the table carries meaning if it is silent. What may appear as refusal may simply be an indication of preferences, fullness, or method of communication.

Asserting autonomy, interactional bargaining, negotiations, or even insistence, the situation can quickly escalate and become emotionally charged.

Focusing not on the food but children becoming more responsible eaters through thoughtful socialisation with the aim of making independent and the right choices about food consumption.

The key is understanding the context behind the message.

Consider

• How often has food refusal or defiance been labelled rather than observing or exploring context?
• How do our own values, beliefs, expectations and experiences with eating influence our interactions at the table?
• Do opportunities for learning and communication exist in this space at the table or inadvertently creating conflict?
• Taking a moment to notice why a child is not eating a food today could that change our interaction?

Point of Pause

Not every “no” at the table indicates they do not want to eat or dislike the food

being presented. Sometimes what the child may be communicating are preferences,

fullness or curiosity about food.

When we take the time to notice, consider, reflect on these moments, we can

respond. This can allow mealtimes to become spaces where children are heard,

understood, connected and supported in their learning.

The table remains a classroom where our role is to notice the lessons that

children are teaching us, often without words.